


deep in the heart of a lonely kid

by tamagotchitadashi



Series: Yamakage Week 2017 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Crushes, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Past Abuse, Second year, past trauma, sorry i can't write without projecting onto someone im a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 09:02:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12032601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamagotchitadashi/pseuds/tamagotchitadashi
Summary: Tobio has found himself subconsciously watching Yamaguchi for a while now. Partly because he's a skilled player who works incredibly hard to stand out against talented peers to the point where it's rather inspiring, partly because - admittedly - he is starry-eyed for his teammate, and partly because there's a small part of him that Tobio can't help but associate with Oikawa Tooru.





	deep in the heart of a lonely kid

**Author's Note:**

> YAMAKAGE WEEK YALL. THIS IS A THING AND IT IS AMAZING. so this whole thing was organised by my favourite artist bennettflynt, go check them out on tumblr yall you will not be disappointed!! the title was is from a song called stage fright i think??? it's cool it's nice go check it out
> 
> so this was written for yamakage week day 1, prompt serves, and sorta crush as well?

Tobio has found himself subconsciously watching Yamaguchi for a while now. Partly because he's a skilled player who works incredibly hard to stand out against talented peers to the point where it's rather inspiring, partly because - admittedly - he is starry-eyed for his teammate, and partly because there's a small part of him that Tobio can't help but associate with Oikawa Tooru.

It's silly, he knows, but there are striking parallels between his former senpai and his pinch server teammate that he has thought about when spending restless nights just staring up at his bedroom ceiling, tracing each and every groove with piercing blue eyes even though he knows them like the back of his hand.

Is it the willingness to practice to exhaustion with no regard to their own health, despite having the common sense to know when to stop? The killer serves? The childhood friend thing, the tendency to nickname those close to them? The way they came off one way and were actually completely different?

Currently, Yamaguchi is practicing serves with Kinoshita. Nishinoya is on the other side of the net, grinning and diving to receive them. When Yamaguchi gets on past Karasuno's guardian deity, he pumps his fists excitedly and Narita ruffles his hair as he passes by to join Tsukishima, Tanaka, and two of the first years practicing blocks.

"Kageyama! Bakageyama, stop daydreaming!" Literal sunshine Hinata Shouyou jumps up and practically screams in his ear and Tobio, as an emotionally constipated teenager like himself would, grabs Hinata's head and squeezes as the blindingly enthusiastic ginger flails about and hits him.

They're at their own net - working on a new attack, and once Tobio lets him go and mutters something that even he doesn't understand, Hinata pulls him down and whispers low into his ear. "So Yamaguchi, huh?"

And Tobio responds by kicking his legs out from under him, cheeks flared red and eyes blown wide because damn, sometimes he regrets coming out to this fucker.

At that point, Yamaguchi turns and smiles slightly at him and Hinata bickering and fighting and Ennoshita calls out some sort of reprimand, from where he's coaching Shoma - a first year wing spiker - on receives.

Tobio wonders for a fleeting moment whether the pinch server heard what the annoying ass ginger had said - because he's not exactly subtle and like, it's doubtful that he's ever been subtle at all in his life.

Tobio's heart races in his chest and he stops and he wants to smile back but he doesn't, he just stares with his beautiful eyes blown wide open and his timid heart struck with a crush that might just be pulling him apart, in the most pleasurable way possible.

And the object of his infatuation smiles at him even wider before turning back around and serving - evading Nishinoya yet again. He high fives Kinoshita and they swap places.

"Bakageyama, toss to me!" Hinata whines, dragging out his words and pouting childishly.

Tobio sighs slightly and turns around, trying to look irritable or whatever but instead just feeling... soft. Warm. Fuzzy.

He sets the ball Hinata passes to him, and continues with the practice, not noticing how a pair of hazel brown eyes watch him rather intently whenever it is Kinoshita's turn to serve.

-

"Kageyama-kun?" Comes a soft, familiar voice, when Tobio finds himself in the gym after hours, practicing bottle drills over and over because he has such an unquenchable desire to get better (to beat Oikawa).

He jumps in fright, and turns, the ball in his hands, to see Yamaguchi in the doorway, changing his shoes. He's in casual clothes; in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with his dark hair down. Tobio feels like he should apologise for being there, for some reason.

"Um, Yamaguchi. Hey," He replies, as socially skilled as usual, and the unsaid "Why are you here?" doesn't manage to pry itself from his lips.

Thankfully, Yamaguchi tells him of his own accord, with a sheepish smile and a hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Ah, sorry for barging in on you, I think I lost my phone charm at practice. I looked in the clubroom, but it wasn't there, so I'm assuming it's in here. You, uh, don't happen to have seen a little dog charm lying around anywhere?"

"No, I don't think so," Tobio is so stiff and rigid when speaking and he hates himself for it. After a moment, he finds himself speaking again, "I- I could help you look, if you'd like."

"Really?" His teammate smiles wider, eyes bright and dear God, his heart is thumping so hard that he fears it might explode out of his chest. "Thank you, Kageyama-kun!"

"What does it look like?" Tobio asks, as they start walking around the perimeter of the gym, peering around for the charm.

"It's like... Like a shiba inu, you know? Beige, with the little eyebrows- Oh! And it's on a green string," Yamaguchi explains, before his tone turns guilty, "Sorry for making you stop your training, it just means a lot to me and I wouldn't forgive myself if I lost it."

Did a girl give it to him? Does Yamaguchi have a girlfriend? Tobio feels bad for immediately jumping to conclusions about it, but damn if he has a crush on this boy.

"Did someone give it to you?" He asks, trying to be casual and nonchalant or whatever and probably failing in doing so, but Yamaguchi hums out an affirmative sound.

"My little sister. Her name's Aiko, and she means a lot to me. She's gonna be ten next month." He is smiling. He seems to have a neverending variety of smiles, and that fact is oddly comforting somehow. "Oh, I've never really asked, but do you have any siblings, Kageyama-kun?"

"Oh, um, yeah, an older sister. Her name is Asuka and she plays volleyball, too, in university. She taught me how to play." Tobio can't help but smile, subconsciously, at the memories. He misses her, because Tokyo feels a lot further away than it is, and he is... so unbelievably alone without her.

"That's so sweet! Aiko likes volleyball, but she's a very busy kid. She also likes horse-riding and guitar and football and art, so we'll have to wait and see what she sticks with," Yamaguchi laughs a little, and his long fingers brush against Tobio's pale wrist, tracing down until the pads of tan fingers are resting on a pale, constrasting palm.. Their eyes meet for a second and Tobio bites his lip nervously. He isn't used to physical contact in ways that aren't bad. It's all new to him.

"Maybe we should check the supply closet, did you go in there at all?" Tobio questions, rather shy and quiet because, damn it, he's been fantasizing about kissing this guy for months now, and this feels... sensual. Or something. He's not quite sure what it is, but it feels like there are not just butterflies in his stomach but bumblebees buzzing and vibrating beneath his skin.

"Yeah, let's check. Thank you, again."

"I, uh. Don't mention it?" It's hard to think when your crush is literally holding your hand as you jog across the gym. This is terrible, he's so awkward, he just wants to explode at this point. Goddamn Yamaguchi, being too attractive and kind and nice for his own good. 

Once they're in the supply closet, Tobio detaches his hand from Yamaguchi's, and kneels down. He picks up the little beige thing he had spied, revealing it to indeed be the little dog phone charm.

"I think I've found it," He calls, and in less than a moment, the brunet has dropped to his knees beside him. It is transferred to and from two different sets of cupped hands, and it is pocketed before Tobio is-

Before Tobio is pulled into a hug.

So he thinks he might be crying but he's not exactly sure? And the hug definitely lasts longer than it was meant to, because it was probably meant to be quick and friendly or whatever but now Tobio is kind of clinging onto the back of his friend's jacket and is sniffling as the tears start to prick-prick-prick and gloss over his eyes like a sheen of glass.

Instead of pushing him away (like Oikawa would, he can't help but think), Yamaguchi holds onto him, rubbing his back and suddenly everything feels warm, and tingly - like fireflies live under his skin and they're buzzing back to live after years of living with limited light. He isn't used to such affection, and it feels so odd but so, so good and he just wants more.

But the bumblebees are hornets and the fireflies are wasps - and they're probably poisonous because it hurts, it hurts, and he's kind of dizzy and definitely shaking and and and and- And then it stops.

"I'm sorry," Tobio blubbers, as they pull away from each other, hiding his red face and red eyes behind delicate, long-fingered hands. He feels so stupid, so pathetically fragile, for crying; tears like these are foreign, but he doesn't know how to describe how they are so different from crying after losing a game or a after watching a sad movie.

They feel raw, and like they should've been cried out a long time ago.

"W-What's wrong, Kageyama-kun?" Yamaguchi asks, looking rather anxious for the well-being of his friend - thinking that makes him want to cry even more, because despite his crush it just feels wonderful to consider someone, and in return, to be considered, a friend, "Did I do something wrong? D-Do you not like hugs? I'm sorry-"

"No, it's not you, don't apologise, please," He uses the hem of his t-shirt to furiously wipe at his eyes. He misses the other boy glancing in shock at his stomach muscles. "I'm... sorry, Yamaguchi, please forget that happened."

There's a moment of silence - The black-haired boy with his eyes squeezed close, arms tight around his knees, and the brunet not having any idea what to say or do.

"Do you want to scream?"

Blue eyes open. "What?"

"When I'm sad or angry or- or whatever, I want to scream. Sometimes. Or curse. Or practice until my mind's off of it. D-Do you- Do you want to practice together? If that's okay?"

Yamaguchi is not Oikawa. Not Oikawa at all.

"Yes, please," They get up, and once outside the supply closet, Tobio takes a deep breath, before speaking again-

"Yamaguchi-kun... Please teach me how to serve!"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! please leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed - concrit is always welcome :)
> 
> come yell at me about yamakage:  
> tumblr: semieitamatic  
> art blog: elluleart


End file.
